My Quest To Teach

December 23, 2015

Things Parents Should Know About Their Children

Father and Children

Father and Children

Things Parents Should Know About Their Children

This holiday season parents will make a lot of assumption
in what they know about their children. The break from
school should be an opportunity for parents to talk to
their children not talk at their children.
Communication between parents and children are
becoming a lost art because the media is showing
parents it is better for a child to be distracted by
electronic devices than being a parent and talking
to their children.
It is seen as a bother and stressful to take time with
your children, teens and young adults and easier to
stick a tablet, smartphone or other electronic device
in their hands than to have a “real” conversations.

Humans are social creatures and at different levels need
to be able to communicate. What complicates the situation
is when told by car commercials, phone commercials, toy
commercials don’t bother with your children, don’t talk to
them and communication is not important. So just shove a
electronic device in their hands and connect them to Wifi
and allow them to be entertained, but not taught the social
skills they will need in the world. The best times as a
parent for me are when my children asked by “why.”
Dad why is the sky blue, dad why is the road black, dad why
are the trees green. It connected us and reinforced my
teaching as a parent and my responsibility to learn as well.
I’m my child’s first teacher.

Parents, especially young parents are not being taught
themselves to teach their children social skills,
communicative skills, those soft people skills that allow
for social growth and networking. Parents are losing the
skill to talk to and connect with their children at a young
age. Children are telling parents what to do and what they
won’t do.
Parents are lost sometimes and don’t “feel” like fighting
or being “bothered” with their children’s tantrums, fits
or blowouts.
I hear to many parents say they are too tired to deal with their
children which is interesting that they were not to tired to
have sex to make them.

From  birth to adulthood too many parents are dropping the
ball on raising, teaching, modeling, incorporating, integrating,
socializing and rationalizing their children’s human behavior.
Boys are not being taught to hold doors for ladies, girls are
not being taught to be “lady like,” boys are not taught to be
respectful to their mothers, and girls are not being taught
not to curse in public, to “shade” their bodies in a respectful
manner and respect older women that have class, self-respect,
self-esteem and life experiences. I see boys and young men
laugh at business men in suits, but these same boys get excited
about those with tattoos with profanity, racism, drug and
sexual conquests receive praise. When parents scold their
children, the looks of disrespect and contempt on the faces
of the children are scary.
When parents try to teach their children to many tell  their
parents “your can’t tell me anything, I already know that!!”

Parents be cautious of what you allow in your homes because
those same little nuances of disrespect, disobedience and even
talking back and “play” violence can fester, spread and explode
to create chaos, confusion and destruction to the family structure
in the future. I’m not a perfect parent, my “children” are both
in college, both working, and independent. I still offer advice,
I still worry, I still wonder what else I could have done to
prepare them for the world. From my experiences, not
criticizing parents, but the signs are evident and if you listen
you can hear the lack of parenting and the rebellion of youth,
teens and even young adults that have not been taught what
us “old school” parents were taught by our parents and what
we taught our children to survive in a sometimes dangerous
and unforgiving world.
When your children open their presents will you hear
“thank you,” “I love you,” “I appreciate you.”
It begins at home…………

What  You Should Know……..
1. Parents should know their children’s favorite color.
Even though this will change as the child matures, it is good
to know when purchasing shores, clothes and other items.
2. Parents should know their children’s clothes sizes.
As parents we see our children growing like weeds, but this
is important because our children grow like weeds and parents
need to know to buy clothes one size bigger so children can
grow into clothes.
3. Parents should know their children’s likes and dislikes.
This is a challenge, but it helps to cut down on arguments
and misunderstandings. When a child states, “You don’t
understand me,” knowing their likes and dislikes helps keep
arguments down.
4. Parents should know their children’s type of friends.
Knowing your child’s type of friends also helps to know where
they may be going, who they hang with and the potential for
issues. This conversation should start at age 6 to
reinforce expectations and cautions on who is a good influence
and who is a bad influence. Parents can’t wait until the teen
years to start telling their teens what to do. That will be
a disaster.
5. Parents should know their children’s / teens sexual orientation.
This sounds hard, but again having a trusting and conversational
relationship starts at birth and infancy. Parents need to talk
to not at their children.
This generation is different from the past, the influences of TV,
music, Social Media, and other distractions are influencing
independence and withdrawal from parents. Parents
communicate but don’t judge your children, they will be
confused on what they see and hear on television so talking
with them is vital.
6. Parents should know their children’s academic abilities.
Every parent wants a “smart” child, but intelligence, creativity,
intellectualism, innovation is different for each child.
Observe your child and gently move them in directions that allow
them to embrace their inner talents, skills, abilities, strengths
and even challenge their weaknesses. If your child is
developmentally slow get help quickly to stop academic
failures or challenges, know your rights as a parent.
7. Parents should know their children’s ability to handle stress.
When parents understand how their children handle stress they are
better able to support them. Children are so diverse in their needs
for help, some just need an encouraging word, others a hug, others
eye to eye contact and some a handshake.
8. Parents should know their children’s aspirations and dreams.
This is where parents need to understand their children will have
their own dreams, so don’t demean, put down or try to crush them.
Allow your child to tell you what they want or dream and encourage
success through education, internships, networking, employment.
To many parents are in the dark about their children’s dreams.
If they say they don’t have any don’t be alarmed they may think that
you would not approve or embarrassed. Just observe your child
and nurture them.
9. Parents should know their children’s spirit.
This is not spiritual or religious, but have a day where you allow
your child to take you on a journey. If they like shopping, movies,
malls let them have their day with you.
If your child likes skateboarding, the beach, the gym, etc,
accompany your child and let them guide the day. Children have
their  individual adventurous spirits, allow them to invite you in.
10. Parents should know their children’s dislikes in people.
Children today cannot be made to like a person, in the past parents
use to make their children hug this aunt or this uncle, etc. Talk
to your children about their opinions about who they do not agree
with instead of forcing them “like” everyone. Children have
great intuition and common sense.
11. Parents should know their children’s work ethic.
Even though parents maybe workaholics their children may
not be.  Children need to be taught at a young age the value of
working, the value of studying, the importance of teamwork,
etc.These cannot be learned by osmosis, but through practical
If you have a hard working child, encourage that in positive ways,
if you have a lazy child encourage them in a way that reinforces
their cognitive abilities.

Parents remember that your children are a combination of both
parents, do not criticize them for showing the attributes of the
other parent. This brings emotional pain, mental anguish and
resentment in both parent and  child relationship. As a divorced
parent I did not divorce my children, and even spoke positively
about the other parent when I could. Unfortunately the other
parent did not do the same and created problems. Having a
strong and honest relationship helps as the children mature
and even makes it stronger. When tough time in life come,
and as parents we know they will, our children need to know
both parents are there to support them and uplift them.
When we have children parents, it is our job to make sure
our children are better prepared than we are for this life.
Staring in infancy and into adulthood talk with your children,
you cannot grow weary and give up on them.

Keep the discussion going at:
Real Talk Real Change
“Who’s Da Man……”


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