The actions of divorce force men to start over, starting
a new beginning, and rebuilding of relationships with
children, renewing a father’s spirituality, and the redirection
of personal priorities in life. No matter what cultural
background, maturity range, salary scale or religious
conviction, divorce can be overwhelming, demeaning,
financially draining (especially if you are proving child
support and or alimony), and a emotional roller coaster
that never seems to end. In Matthew 6:33 states,
“..seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness..”,
when searching for direction through this challenging time.
The best guide is the reading of the Bible and seeking
understanding of the Word. Reading and interpretation
can refocus your life, redirect your spirituality in scripture
and provides comfort and solace.
Having gone through divorce it forced an understanding
on what I need to improve in myself, not focusing on the
faults or shortcomings of others. Not blaming, arguing about
perceptions of right and wrong. The thoughts and emotional
turmoil of blame, anger, self-pity, shame and defeatism
have been cried over, cursed about and now distant memories,
stored away in a heart mending itself together. As a divorced
father I questioned how can I move on with my life, amplify
my spirituality as a Christian man and still be in my children’s
lives being a positive force, being a role model, and support
mechanism, these are my focus points. To achieve them
I understand that I need to be a highly involved father.
Research has shown that being an involved father can be a
big source of healing for a man and children.
Men need to re-bond with their kids to keep them
motivated in fathering.
This Fathers Day instead of focusing on you refocus
on the responsibilities of being a father, a man, a role
model, renewing and recharging the commitment and
covenant you have with your children.
Children are a blessing from God as written in Psalm 127:3,
with this knowledge, children being blessings, men/fathers
have a responsibility to be a part of children’s lives and
accept them as blessings from God the heavenly father.
Children are not commodities to be traded, fought over,
or bargained for.
Their well being should be placed first during time of
upheaval and emotional stress. Children do not cause divorce
but are directly affected by it. Fathers Day is for divorced
fathers because of the hard work and sacrifices that are
required to stay in children’s lives.
No one can take away that fathers are a parent and aid
children’s growth in dynamic ways. A divorced father may
not physically be in the home, but the teachings,
modeling and prayers are present in children’s life. The
essence of what is shared within children.
As is states in Ephesians 6:4, “bring them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord”, the first responsibility that
fathers must continue is to teach sons is to be respectful
in order to get respect, the importance of education to
obtain a career, provide for oneself and family and putting
God first in all they do. In being fathers in deeds and
duties sons will follow as an example of behavior.
In accordance with sons, daughters taught to be independent
thinkers and aspire to be self supportive, not leaning on
being reliant on any man to provide for them. Daughters
will seek a man similar to their father’s actions, demeanor
and emotional statues even if it is self-destructive at times.
Fathers set the foundation on whom daughters will look for
in a mate. Just as sons, fathers must teach daughters who
will be mothers one day to put God first in their lives and
seek Godly men. Not men who follow the latest trends in
, cars and other material things which are not long lasting.
Fathers must teach their little girls that they are
empowered with dreams and aspirations to be successful
and can achieve greatness.
Stated in John 10:30, “I and my father are one” Jesus
makes this statement as a testimony to his father. The
same holds true for fathers and their children, you are one
in many ways with your children. Some of these ways are
visually evident and some ways will manifest themselves
as your child matures into adulthood.
Men and fathers have obtained wisdom that we should
pass on to our children. In Proverbs 4:1-27 there is
discussion of wisdom, gaining it through life experiences
and reading of the Word. “Wisdom is the principal thing;
therefore get wisdom…” (Proverbs 4:7), and share it so
children will not make the same mistakes as parents have.
Real fathers guide their children, helping them to “deviate
from the possible path of the wicked, and not go in the
way of evil men (ultimate self destruction)” (Proverbs 4:14).
This Fathers Day and beyond, be the father your father
may not have been to you, be the dad that your children
can be proud of and seek for guidance. Fathers this is
your day to be recognized and no one can take that from
you. Starting over is not easy, but the path can be peaceful,
comforting and less challenging if we recognize the
heavenly father first and continue to do the right thing by
him and children. Sometimes doing the right thing is the
hardest thing, sometimes doing the right thing is not the
popular thing, sometimes doing the right thing will put us
against what other people say, but at the end of the day
what will our children and God say about you doing the
Divorce is not the end of fatherhood just a new beginning
and an opportunity to grow, but with the proper guidance
from God’s help. What legacy do you want to leave for
your children? God Bless divorced fathers, they are still
fathers and dads in children’s lives, divorced fathers must
stay involved and in prayer for wisdom and guidance.